Older Mum? Or Just Plain Old?

Posted: July 28, 2010 in Musings in General, Older Mums, Uncategorized
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I always wanted children but didn’t meet my husband until I was 34 and we decided to ‘try’ to get pregnant when I was 37. I came off the pill and expected it to take some time. Four weeks later I felt like crap. So very tired and sore boobs and bingo – a blue line – on BOTH home tests. This was two weeks before our wedding.

I was still living in England at the time and midwives deal with most pregnancies and births there so off I trot to meet Rosie the midwife. She takes my details, tells me that I have to have the pregnancy ‘confirmed’ by the doctor – hmmm two tests, sore boobs and unbelievable tiredness not enough? She handed me a card, told me off for not taking folic acid supplements and that’s where it started. It had the words elderly primigravida written on it in capital letters or in other words old first time mum.

Throughout the pregnancy my advanced age was constantly mentioned. I wanted a home birth but it was – oh no, not for a first birth and ‘at your age’. Always been a bit of a hippie me – as was confirmed when I took the hippie test on this blog. I didn’t want pre natal testing but the midwife was horrified because of the risks ‘at your age’ (I still refused anything other than scans – and that was because I wanted to see my baby).

Thing is, I didn’t feel old. I’m fit and healthy and always felt younger than I am and I just believed that my baby would be healthy and everything would be fine – so way to go guys – try your best to try and make me feel old.

To all you older mums out there did you have a similar experience? If you’re not a mum have you experienced anything that made you feel older than you felt before? Do you think attitudes have changed since 1997 when I got pregnant – there’s an awful lot of older mums these days?

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Comments
  1. sandra says:

    I can’t coment on the older mum side as I am not as old as you were when you had your first. Not that I have ever seen you as older than me. I had the opposite negative experience in that I was young and made to feel that I didn’t have a clue and shouldn’t be trusted with a baby. I’d like to belive things have changed, but experiance says these things are slow to change.

    • Thanks Sandra! It still saddens me that such judgments are made merely on a number whether you have a baby young or over 35. You’re right, such things change very slowly…

  2. Elaine B says:

    I had my first at 34 as well – in 2004. Actually no-one made a big deal about my age then. I had him in hospital as i wasnt sure how i was going to handle things – but it was a breeze. So I planned the next one 2 years later at home but minor complications meant i ended up in the hospital again – but it was another easy quick birth. Then we moved to the states and I fell pregnant with my 3rd at age of 38/39. This time I wanted a home birth for sure – as i didnt want to be stuck with a cannula the first second i arrived in a hospital – they are heavy heavy heavy on the intervention here in the States. After much researching I found a team of midwives and transferred from my OB/GYN to their care and had a fantastic easy peaceful home birth in 2009. However when i tell most people that my daughter was born at home they look at me like I have three heads – I am considered very very odd!

    • Ahh – see you were under the magic 35 Elaine with your first (I had Molly at 37). I then went on to have Alice at 40, at home, in a birthing pool – wonderful experience. But yes those of us that do that are considered to be either very odd or very brave. And I did still get comments about my age all the way through that pregnancy too….

  3. […] older mums, pregnant, prenatal, scan, spina bifida, triple test, ultrasound 0 I talked in this blog post that I refused most antenatal (or prenatal) testing when pregnant with my first child at the age of […]

  4. […] have never really seen it as an issue or problem. Sure, as I talked about in the post ‘Older Mum? Or Just Plain Old?’I got a certain amount of attitude about my age during pregnancy but I know I was fit and […]

  5. […] have never really seen it as an issue or problem. Sure, as I talked about in the post ‘Older Mum? Or Just Plain Old?’I got a certain amount of attitude about my age during pregnancy but I know I was fit and […]

  6. […] talked in this blog post about the fact that I refused most antenatal (or prenatal) testing when pregnant with my first child […]

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